It's just a joke!!

                       


                                   

SCARY STAGES OF COLLEGE

You know you're in trouble when...

1. The McDonald's people know you by name from late night study breaks.

2. You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% to pass the final than you have actually spent studying.

3. The college drunk confronts you and says: "Don't you think you should get to work now?"

4. Your study schedule is based on the rationale that you "might" actually die before the test!

5. Your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."

6. Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, b*#%h!"

                                                    

                                               

JOKE OF THE WEEK

THE JOKE - Can I get a second opinion?

Doctor: “You are very sick.”
Patient: “Can I get a second opinion?” 
Doctor: “Yes, you are very ugly, too…”

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VOCABULARY
 

Second opinion = a diagnosis from another doctor to ensure that the first diagnosis was correct. Literally, it means two opinions.
Get in this question means (to) obtain.

WHY IS IT FUNNY?
Because the patient doesn’t believe that the doctor is correct in his diagnosis and asks the doctor for another diagnosis from a different doctor, to ensure the first one is correct. Instead, the doctor gives the patient another opinion about him – that he is very ugly.

 

QUESTION:  
Have you ever needed to get a second opinion about something?

Retrieved from Woodward English

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JOKE OF THE WEEK

THE JOKE - 24 Hours to Live

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

Doctor: “I have some good news and some bad news.”

Man: “OK, give me the good news first.”

Doctor: “The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.”

Man: “Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”

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Why is it funny?

Because the doctor has given the man some ‘good’ news – that he will live for 24 hours – but then gives him some bad news – that he forgot to call him yesterday, which is 24 hours ago. The man is going to die any second!

Question:

What is any good news you have received lately?  

 

Retrieved from Woodward English


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JOKE OF THE WEEK

THE JOKE - Number of languages you speak

A woman asks: A person who speaks two languages is bilingual… A person who speaks three languages is trilingual... A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.What do you call a person who speaks one language? 

A man answers: An American.

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WHY IS IT FUNNY?

Because when you answer the question ‘what do you call a person who speaks one language’ you expect a technical answer such as bilingual or trilingual. Instead the answer is ‘an American’, which plays on the popular stereotype that Americans only know one language and do not bother to take the time to learn another. 

Remember: People from United States call themselves American.

  
Stereotype = an idea about someone or something which is based on presumptions rather than fact.  

QUESTION: How many languages can you speak?
 

 

RETRIEVED FROM WOODWARD ENGLISH

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JOKE OF THE WEEK

THE JOKE - Please, call me a taxi



CUSTOMER: Hey, barman! Call me a taxi!
BARMAN: Yes, sir. You're a taxi.  




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VOCABULARY

Literally:  exactly as the words are meant, without any colloquial or inner meaning.


WHY IS IT FUNNY?

When the customer asked the barman to call him a taxi he meant for him to telephone a taxi company and order him a taxi to take him home. Instead, the barman took it literally and called (said) the man was a taxi.


QUESTION: How often do you take taxis?

Retrieved from Woodward English

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JOKE OF THE WEEK

THE JOKE - A Snail Enters a Bar

A snail goes into a bar and the barman tells him there’s a strict policy about not having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman “Hey, man! What did you do that for?”

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VOCABULARY

Snail = a small creature (like a slug) with a round shell on its back. Snails are known for being very slow.
Policy = rules, a plan of action or ideals of a business or political party
Strict = unbending or uncompromising, demanding that rules be obeyed
To kick (somebody) out = to send someone away, to expel.


 WHY IS IT FUNNY?

The snail took so long - a year - to return back into the bar and ask why it was kicked out.

QUESTION: Have you ever been kicked out a place?

Retrieved from Woodward English

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JOKE OF THE WEEK

THE JOKE - A fly without wings

QUESTION: What do you call a fly without wings?

ANSWER: A walk.


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VOCABULARY

Fly (noun) – a common black insect that is attracted to faecal matter and rubbish.
Wings (noun) – A pair of limbs that birds and insects use to fly

WHY IS IT FUNNY?

It is playing on the double meaning of fly as a verb (to travel without touching the ground) and fly the noun (the insect). If a fly cannot travel through the air using its wings then it must travel along the ground walking. The joke then changes the fly’s name to a walk.


QUESTION: Have you ever seen a weird animal, as a fly without wings?
 

Retrieved from Woodward English

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JOKE OF THE WEEK

THE JOKE - How much does it cost to get married?

SON: How much does it cost to get married, dad? 

FATHER: I don't know. I'm still paying for it...




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 VOCABULARY

To pay for something = obviously in a literal sense this means to give money in return for a product or service, but we can also use “to pay” in a figurative sense, meaning that you pay for something you have done with personal suffering.

WHY IS IT FUNNY?

The son is asking about the monetary price of a wedding, but the father has answered ironically, implying that he is suffering as a consequence of getting married.

QUESTION - Do you think you will get married some day? Why? Why not?

Retrieved from Woodward English

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JOKE OF THE WEEK

THE JOKE - Bean Soup

CUSTOMER: Waiter, what do you call this soup? 

WAITER: It's bean soup, sir. 

CUSTOMER: I don't care what it's been. What is it now?




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VOCABULARY

Bean (noun) = a common vegetable
To call (verb) = to name
Soup = cooked food in a liquid form
Been = Past participle of the verb To Be 

WHY IS IT FUNNY?

Been (past participle of To Be) is pronounced the same as bean (the vegetable). The customer thinks the waiter is using the present perfect tense and saying, “It’s (It has) been soup”. In other words, it was soup in the past, but it is something different now. The customer wants to know what it is in the present tense. Really the waiter is saying however, is that “It is bean soup”.

QUESTION: Have you ever had a misunderstanding in a restaurant?

 Retrieved from Woodward English

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JOKE OF THE WEEK

 THE JOKE - How did you find your steak?

 WAITER:  How did you find the steak, sir?

CUSTOMER: Oh, I just moved the potatoes and there it was!


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VOCABULARY

To find = (verb) in the context of this joke ‘to find’ means to have an opinion on something. It can also mean to discover the location of something.
Steak = (noun) a thick, flat piece of meat used for grilling 

 WHY IS IT FUNNY?

A polite way of asking someone’s opinion of something is to say, “How did you find the…?” which is how the waiter has asked the customer about his steak.
The customer has misinterpreted the question as, “how were you able to discover the steak” and has given his opinion accordingly.

Must have been a small steak!!

QUESTION: What do you like to eat when you go to a restaurant?

 Retrieved from Woodward English

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